A 'Boundary Buster'

"Who is your number one "boundary buster"? Who is the foremost person in your life with whom it's difficult to set limits?" My current answer to that, weird as it might sound, is God. Or more correctly, my idea of what God wants from me.

This bible verse always smacks me right in the face with big gobs of guilt when it comes to boundaries.
Matt. 16:24-25 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. NIV

When I read that verse I hear: "If anyone would come after me, he must lie to himself, ignore his feelings, put on a christian happy face, suck it up, push through his weakness, make a valiant effort and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to protect his personal life will lose it, but whoever surrenders his life for every good work will find it. Matt. 16:24-25 SIGV (Shelley's Internal Guilt Version)

Problem is, I have lived as though this is what this verse says, and so have a lot of other christians, and the result is burn-out, acts of kindness that are unsustainable and maybe even self-serving, and a judgemental attitude toward those unwilling to sacrifice as much as I do. So the truth of this verse interpreted that way just doesn't pan out in real life.

So here's another crack at it -

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny his self-sufficiency, independence, willpower and strength and take up his cross like Jesus did at Gethsemane - Mark 14:34-36 "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."
Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba,Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."
- and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life (with his own strength, and never admit his own sin and weakness) will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me (gives it all up in exchange for my life) will find it. 26 What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world (by being good and admirable and self-sufficient), yet forfeits his soul (because he lived a lie)? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? STSV -Shelley's truth-seeking version, always subject to change.

I am so taken aback by Jesus at Gethsemane - He says to the God of the Universe, about The Plan of Salvation, designed since the beginning of time - I don't want to do this. I am overwhelmed with sorrow...if possible could I please not do this...
That is in no way lying to himself, sucking it up and pushing through like a tough guy on resolve and good intentions. That is the most honest prayer in the world, breath-takingly honest when you consider who said it and to whom. And then he asks "God but not my will, your will be done". Honesty, boundaries even, and then surrender. I actually think if we can't be that honest with God then we can't truly surrender either...we are just asking for a bail-out.

I seek honesty, the voice of God, and surrender.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:39-40 NIV

A little green in the midst of death and cold.